I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's blow job season.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
