operation have a gay friend backfired
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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