Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
