i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
