2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
