Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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