Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
