i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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