The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have post one night stand depression
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
