That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm passing your future prison.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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