my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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