So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
