Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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