heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
