Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
