i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
