if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
