We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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