too bad you live with your parents still
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
