Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
