Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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