she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
