I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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