mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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