The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Someone came in the potted fern
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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