I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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