I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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