I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
