Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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