Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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