Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
