My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
