I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
