I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
