i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
