I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
