GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
