Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What a dumb baby whore.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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