Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
