Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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