i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
