At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
