i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ladies don't puke and tell
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
