At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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