I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
No subtext here. People are naked.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
