Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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