I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
