It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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