and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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