it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My ass is underappreciated
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
