hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sext me about skeletons
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
