One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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