Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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