i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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