your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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