wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
