I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
