If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
