she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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