Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
