Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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