You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
