Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i think i have herpe
just one?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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