I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
