I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
