omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
